Adult Weblogger

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, “How much?”

The Hooker replies, “It starts at $500 for a hand-job.”

Guy says, “$500 dollars! For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!”

The hooker says, “Do you see that Denny’s on the corner?”

“Yes.”

“Do you see the Denny’s about a block further down?”

“Yes.”

“And beyond that, do you see that third Denny’s?”

“Yes.”

“Well,” says the hooker, smiling invitingly, “I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that’s worth $500.”

Guy says, “What the hell? I’ll give it a try.”

They retire to a nearby motel.

A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, “I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?”

The hooker replies, “$1,500.”

“$1,500? No blow-job could be worth that.”

The hooker replies, “Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that’s worth every cent of $1,500.”

The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, says, “Sign me up.”

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can’t believe it but he feels he truly got his money’s worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.

He asks the hooker, “How much for some pussy?”

The hooker says, “Come over here to the window. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?”

“Damn!” the guy says, in awe, “You own the whole city?”

“No,” the hooker replies, “but I would if I had a pussy!”

1. The doctor, because he says, “Take off your clothes.”
2. The dentist, because he says, “Open wide.”
3. The hairdresser, because he asks, “Do you want it teased or blown?”
4. The milkman, because he asks, “Do you want it in front or in back?”
5. The interior decorator, because he says, “Once you have it in you’ll love it.”
6. The banker, because he says, “If you take it out to soon, you’ll lose interest.”
7. The police officer, because he says, “Spread ‘em.”
8. The mailman, because he always delivers his package.
9. The pilot, because he takes off fast and then slows down.
10. The hunter, because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice, and eats what he shoots.

Got more? Let me know.

Geography of a Woman
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently ageing but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.
After 70, they become Afghanistan. Almost everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

Geography of a Man
Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick.

An Asian woman was trying to exchange Yen for Dollars and asks the American bank teller,
“Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dollar fo Yen - today I get hunat eighty?”

The bank teller says “Fluctuations.”

The Asian woman says, “Fluc you white guys too!”